The majority of emails I receive from you guys are questions regarding my marriage and my hair, The next two days I'm going to try and answer these questions to the best of my ability. I'd like to feel like I can share candidly with my readers in an open environment, but up until now I've been a bit uncomfortable in answering questions regarding my private life. My blog is new and I'm sometimes unsure what is appropriate to talk about. Usually, I'm am a very private person when it comes to my marriage but I have tried this week to be a bit more open, a testing of the waters if you will. I feel now I am ready. By far the most common question is,"whats yours and Jeremy's secret?"
So, while we vacationed I came up with a set of 10 things that we keep paramount in our marriage, the keyword being "our" These things will not work for everyone, we are all different, so take what you want from my humble list, and feel free to email privately with any other questions regarding any/all of these.
1. Become you're partners ideal lover
You have a lifetime to become really really really good at sex! And believe me when times are tough and money is short all there is to do is jump each others bones! Sex should be a form of intimacy but also a form of communication. What better way to get over a bickering match than to jump in bed and have a quickie. Can't afford to go out, then stay in! Love is free! There is no better satisfaction than making your partner feel amazing at the same time as you.
2. Share dislikes
Did you know you bond deeper over common dislikes than likes!?! Jeremy and I call it "hate mating" we will sit in bed at night and list the shit we can't stand about people, politics, situations, food and even music. It's always refreshing to know your spouse has your back.
3. Mean what you say/say what you mean!
Nothing gets under our skin more than responding to "what's wrong?" with a short and dishonest "NOTHING!" If you're upset tell your spouse, they're your partner and chances are it will make you feel better to come clean with what's up. Hold nothing back with your spouse, keeping emotions bottled in will just fester like a rotten sore, and that just breeds resentment which has a way of boiling over into other parts of your relationship.
I cannot even begin tell you how much this helps. Jeremy and I went through a particular rough time a few years ago, and there was times where nothing helped but opening my journal and reading what I wrote about him before. Long entries of how I couldn't wait to marry him, how much our engagement meant to me and how special our love was. Nobody can put your relationship into perspective like you can!
5. Feel sexy to you
If you are not comfortable with yourself, whether it be your body, hair, nails, pjs, whatever.. you will not come off as sexy to your mate! As the best friend of a guy and the wife of a serial dumper, I know for a fact that nothing will turn off a man quicker than insecurity! Write affirmations or better yet have your hubby write affirmations! When we were dating Jeremy and I did affirmations regularly, we'd sit in bed and say "I love you because..." we'd each do 3. If this is what it takes to make you feel sexy than DO IT! I feel sexiest when I step out of the shower and have moisturized skin so I do this before bed every night.
6. Make time for one another
This is a big one, life is stressful and busy, things pile up, and as time passes and your marriage ages it's easy to put one another on the back burner. We don't do this on purpose but when you see your mate at home every night you can take for granted that they're there. Remember that each of you should be each others priority, make time to go out alone or stay in alone. If only for 2 hours turn off the phones and computers and stress, order in or carry out and just be with one another. I know this gets harder as kids enter the picture but make it a priority. Your mate deserves the attention, after all down the road they'll be the one still here when the kids leave and the jobs end and retirement begins.
7. Keep secrets, some things are sacred!
Don't tell everyone everything about your relationship! Something's are only for you and your spouse, your marriage is important and so is your privacy. It makes me feel good that I know things about Jeremy that nobody else knows. Not even his closest friends, because I'm his wife, and I'm entitled to pieces of him that others are not, and vice versa.
8.Write each other love notes
This doesn't have to be a handwritten note, this can be anything that shows your love other than saying it. Remember how your stomach would flutter when in the beginning of the relationship your spouse said "I love you" well I think we become desensitized to those words over time. So say it in other ways, I recently wrote Jeremy a short love letter on Monday to cheer him up (he had the return to work post vacay blues). Or try to get up earlier than your spouse and make them lunch (food is the ultimate love note). Make them a mix and stick it in the car after they go to sleep so they find it in the morning. These things are love, in action.
9. Listen, don't just hear
Be engaged with what's going on with them. Jeremy and I Facetime everyday while he's at work, even if only for 10 minutes, even if all we do is talk about the dog or what we ate.
10. Share one meal everyday
As humans we strengthen our bonds over food, we are more likely to talk more openly over a meal, whether you have to get up a bit earlier to chat over coffee and toast in the kitchen or if you sit in front of the TV with pizza! Share one meal no matter what.