I'm such a bad blogger these days, I'm sorry guys, that is just the truth of it all. There is
a ton of things going on (explained below). I am still crafting and creating but it seems impossible to post regularly these days.
But tonight, I felt the itch to just write through my exhaustion here, instead of my journal. So here I am at mid-night with my favorite blue fluffy robe and and Jeremy's sweat pants with jasmin and rose hip tea in a silent house, full of night air and the sounds of crickets about to pour out whats been going on.
I am my sister-in-laws birthing coach and that has taken up my time and attention. We're approaching Noah's arrival in a week and a half. I have loved the experience of using some of my science/medical/spiritual healing techniques on her, and have really opened myself up a lot in my reiki practice, everything about this pregnancy has been a lesson to me, A lesson I think I needed. I've bonded with Kristie in ways I thought my previously cold heart could not, and I love her for pushing me to push through. We have become incredibly close, much closer than we've ever been. Last weekend was Kristie and Josh's "Halloween Pre-Baby Bash" I planned and planned and it came out beautiful, full of the little touches I had to add to make it an authentic, crafty, Niec-approved shin-dig. I was so thankful for this experience
Lolli-pop spiders and white chocolare pretzel rods S'more kits and favor bags
Pretty nice spread i got laid out for this mama to be
Jeremy's idea of pumpkin carving...
During the beginning of her pregnancy I was in a very dark place, I went through something incredibly hard and sad having to do with our own reproductive plan. I'm not ready to share it all here, But Kristie went out of her way to include me warmly and with open arms and endless compassion. To be any help to her in her pregnancy story as a birthing coach meant so much to me and I will forever love her for granting me that honor. Early calls/texts to get me out of my funk and long nights of deeply emotional conversations spread on the coffee table amongst sorrow, laughter and nail polish and maybe chocolate cake. After a month or so I realized how perfect this all was. I've never been as happy or healthy as I am now, using the gifts I have to ease this little soul into his newest journey. I've learned patience, and the ability to love without condition, and to trust our bodies. Not to let people get me down, and not to even respond to negative nonsense (which can be tough, but I did it) But most of all I have regained myself.
Polar Bear hat I knitted for baby Noah
Kristie and Josh's dog Peanut is obsessed with listening to Noah's heart beat, she falls asleep like this often
Which brings me to my next bit of gratitude:
I think part of the reason I am so happy and full of joy has to do with the fact that I'm coming out of a year of toxic people, literally people who suck the life out of ones soul with negativity and replaced them with other people, people like Daniel and Carly, and his family, Rachel, my brother, and my closest friend Liz (who is moving close very soon, and is always up for an adventure to a local farm/stay at an intentional community), people I've know for years that know me, like really know me, people who don't break down one another...
I had a toxic person write an email to me to let me know my FB posts about being happy and thankful for friends during a rough period in my life were too happy and obviously were a charade, and that she wouldn't be looking at any of my posts in the future. I was mocked for being genuinely excited for anything and just broken down... This was only written after I de-friended this person (during my FB people purge) Yep, crazy but true. Its sad that women are still hating on women when we should all be united. But, I digress. The lack of sincerity and accountability in others really brought me down too. But, thank goodness it happened when it did, because the universe opened up some awesome doors for me after that one closed. Since cutting off those folks and keeping distance from others I realized I need to be on the path for which I am called for, and to do it without fear. I decided to not engage in the negativity any more and merely kept silent on those issues returning no response, but wishing them all the best, and washed my hands clean of all the things that weigh us all down and distract from the beauty of ourselves and our world. I think silence is such a virtue in situations like these, I read a lot of Bahia prayers. Although I don't practice Baha'i, the readings helped me think about the damage words can do to each other, it was really humbling and thought provoking, and changed the way I now react to stress and negativity. Some of my favorites are:
"The tongue is for mentioning what is good…refrain from slander, abuse & whatever causeth sadness in others."
"Be not content in showing friendship in words alone. Let your heart burn with loving-kindness for all who cross your path."
"Do not allow negative experiences to make you bitter, they should make you wiser, & with that wisdom you shall find joy."
pigmy orchid, so tiny but so beautiful!
This time for me was introspective and offered great clarity on my life and what I want out of it. It gave me a lot to think about, a lot of goals to set, and things started to fall into place, new opportunities to do great service to our community along with starting the next chapter in mine and Jeremy's life, we have the house (more on that below), the second car (even with my phobia of driving since the accident) and soon we'll have a growing family.
So what else is new in our lives keeping me from blogging?
We got a house! YAY! Not just any house but a perfect house for us, so up until signing some papers today we were running frantically around getting things in order. Tonight we met for the last time for keys and stuff like picking the color of our new door (which was actually really fun). Move in day is the 1st of November, and we are ecstatic, the house is perfect with original hardwood flooring throughout the entire house. A spot for a large meditation room and my reiki table, an office, and eventually our nursery! Our bedroom already felt so warm, and that was when it was empty. Cannot wait to get our bed in there! Please forgive in advance if all I do is share our pictures the first two weeks we move in, I don't know how long till I have internet once we're moved in but I will try and upload tons to Flickr (icon is up on the right of my page) using my 3G.
These pics were taken this evening, the contractor was still there so forgive the mess but I am to excited not to share!!!
pretty little kitchen with eco-friendly floors
fancy master bath
meditation room -hardwood original to the property, and LOVE this neutral wall color throughout
a friendly little corner in the huge empty master, cant wait to get furniture in here!!!
I'm rambling, I know, but I wanted to share a bit of myself with you lovely ladies. I just wanted to say I'm really grateful and happy now. So this stress, this crazy baby/ reiki sessions/ first home/ my own car (even with my driving phobia)/packing/birth coaching all of it, its good stress. Its a beautiful jumble of the things I'm grateful to have. And the people along side of me make it that much better. Its a blessing that the old bits of myself that would of kept me from loving this life of mine has fallen by the wayside. It's all been shed and now without the dark there is only a lightness that saturates me. and I love this feeling...
our little baby love Rilo is excited about her new back yard